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Here's the letter I just spoke about..........
The following letter was authored by Mosquito. Since he has no opposable thumbs to type with, he asked me to do the typing. This letter was written to the folks at CAF HQ when this incident took place, to help with funding of the vet bills.........
Hello,
This weekend, while protecting you humans and your aircraft hangar from predators ranging from scorpions, to ground squirrels, and from beetle bugs to birds, I took one for the team. I managed to save the lives of countless CAF workers and Museum guests as I "neutralized" a terrorist rattlesnake that was bent on sneaking past the FSA (Feline Security Administration) and killing any human that he got in contact with.
Lately, my assistant, FSA Agent Shadow, and I have noticed an influx of terrorist rattlesnakes (known as "ratticles".......get it? Ratticles?) trying to infiltrate the CAF property. Although they try to slither through our security checkpoints, we manage to stop them repeatedly. This weekend, however, we found one that went one step further.
While walking my perimeter, I spotted a young rattlesnake acting suspiciously. When I started to inquire about what he was doing here, he started some ritual dance and coiled up in a circle, started shaking a rattle, and making hissing sounds. Well, your trusty Agent Mosquito wouldn't have any part of that. But as I started to subdue this troublemaker, he instantly revealed to me that he had managed to sneak two, poison filled syringes past security, inside his mouth.
He lunged at me, engaging these two syringes into my nose. After jumping two feet into the air, I used my altitude to gain airspeed and pounced upon this worthy foe with an unrelenting force, then ran......(translation: I was scared, my nose hurt, and the fat guy that gives me rides on the golf cart wasn't here, so I had Agent Shadow take care of it). Of course, none of this would have happened if the guy that feeds me would have told me to, "be careful when playing with the tail, because the head is at the other end." Geez!
It was just after this that I noticed a change in my physiology. My skull started to feel as if it were growing outwards. When the fat guy that gives me golf cart rides and his skinny sidekick FINALLY showed up the next day, I wasn't feeling so hot. My head was the size, shape, and weight of what you humans call a softball, and I was in no mood to play. These two human idiots called the guy that got me this job in the first place so that he could take me to the place where they have cold, stainless steel tables and who violate you when they take your temperature. I think it's the same place they took me as a kitten to get tutored...you know, that procedure that gets rid of my manlyhood?
Anyway, the doctor there took good care of me and gave me some shots to reduce the size of my head. The only problem is that I overheard the humans talking to each other and saying how my budget for the year has been exceeded for doctor's bills. This is where you come in.
If you wish to retain my services of me protecting human life by sacrificing my own body, please donate a few bucks to those guys in the hangar that take care of me. If you don't really believe any of this message, I am forcing the fat guy to enclose a couple of pictures of me that he took when he finally showed up (which you'll notice the poison filled syringe marks on my nose).
Thank you for your time (silly humans). Now I'm going to take a nap.
Agent Mosquito
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