How to talk to a veteran

262 · **Posted:** Thu Jan 22, 2009 9:31 pm

My son is stationed in alaska,several months ago he had to go to n.t.c.,CA to train up to deploy to iraq. We went to visit him one weekend and had a good time.On sunday when we went to say goodbye,he looked very tired and worn.When i asked him whats up?he stated that his platoon sgt. had flashbacks and woke up in the middle of the night screaming for a medic.and was going through the motions of recessatation.my son had to stand guard making sure that he did not hurt himself or others. This was due to one of his soldiers that had been shot and eventually died in his arms.My son said that this has happened on more then one occasion, when the sgt.does not take his medicine or drinks to much.The sgt.is only 25 years of age, and will be departing for iraq in june this is his third time going.In june my son will be deploying to iraq for the first time.
My son in law was wounded in his first deployment to iraq.the rpg went into the vehicle but thankfully no one was fately injured.Even with the medication prescribed to my son in law he still has horrible nightmares.He will once again be deployed to iraq in febuary for his third time.
No matter how big or small the war,no matter how young or old the soldier,no matter if they are active or inactive please show respect to all that have stood up and fought for are rights and freedom.

N3Njeff · **Posted:** Thu Jan 22, 2009 9:37 pm

ALL what is said has been true. Now most of you have seen my posts about my passion about N3N's. Well I am going to type a very long reply after this one. This topic is VERY close to my heart for many reasons, , much more love for this than N3N's and I have MUCH experience with this and I will try to explain it the best I can. Let me get a drink and start typing!!

N3Njeff · **Posted:** Thu Jan 22, 2009 10:10 pm

I am 36 yrs old and I was born in 1971. I grew up with a dad that was very much into Military History. Passed down for 3 generations is much Militaria and the words of my 3rd great granfather who served in the 3rd Vt regiment. My dad would take us kids to the battlefields where he fought and read from grampa's recollections. Well when I was 8, I was at my dads company x-mas party in tampa at the Air Center. I remember one of his line guys had too much to drink and was getting loud. He started to hollar how he was left in the mud for days on end, nobody cared and his friends called him a war monger and stormed out of the building. His friend appologised to everyone and followed him out a couple minutes later. My dad followed him and I was in tow. when we got to the hangar offices we found desks tipped over and chairs embedded into the walls. I was young at the time and did not understand until many years later what these guys have suffered.

Many years later after much reading all through my school years, I read alot of books. Mostly about Vietnam, all parts about it and did many major papers on something related to it. So as I gained a good grasp on what happend, things changed for me. I started to collect military Vehicles. I bought a M37 and started that project and quickly thereafter was the owner of a M35A2, deuce-n-half. I joined the Army Transportation Association Vietnam and painted my truck in accurate vietnam markings. I then wrote a small article for the newsletter with a pic of my truck. WOW, I got letters back, saying what a rush that they got when they had seen the pics!!!
This started many lines of correspondance and this has lasted with many for the last 15 yrs!!!! In 2000 I flew out to LAS Vegas for my 1st reunion. For someone who has never served in the military, it has been a great honor for me.

I have attended 2 more since that time so long ago. They consider me "a Brother" and they tell me that. Here I am, 37 yrs old, born when they were fighting that terrible war, risking their lives and a "kid" as they call me wants to hear about it.

Now my interests are anything Vietnam, I have talked to many vet and have cried with many vets. I have heard stories that they have never told before until then, given stuff that their families would throw out if they died tomorrow. It has taken me a long time to learn how to EARN their trust and be accepted. EVERTHING said before this is TRUE. I hear from guys ( just 2 days ago) how a family member(AKA mom in this case) tells her son not to talk to his grampa about Vietnam. I cannot tell you howmany times Vets have told me that NO ONE GIVES A sugar!!!!! NOT MY FAMILY OR MY COUNTRY!!!!!! This is why THEY have taken it opon themselves to welcome them home!!!

I told him, one day in a casual conversation, I told him Memorial day is a good time about what he did............................LISTEN, let him take control of the conversation!!! Someone posted about recording.................be careful with that. I take notes!!!!! They are much more at ease with that idea then being recorded, eventually they will open up and it will be on their terms.

Will post more in a few...............................need another drink.

Here is my web site
http://linehaulrvn.tripod.com

Next I will post some storys about what equipment will do!!! It opens many doors!!

RyanShort1 · **Posted:** Thu Jan 22, 2009 10:28 pm

N3Njeff wrote:

Next I will post some storys about what equipment will do!!! It opens many doors!!

Yeah, or an airplane!!!

That's me with the veteran I took up for a ride in the L-5 last May... the stories and pictures are incredible!

Ryan

N3Njeff · **Posted:** Thu Jan 22, 2009 10:40 pm

I want you all to meet my Hero's and I can proudly say, My friends!!!

Here is jack, He was the commander of a trans unit in vietnam in 1966!! I first started talking to jack back in 2000. I had a interest in his story because he was a unit commander. I wanted to know how a trans unit worked and my questions sparked many conversations and letters. We finally got to meet face to face at a reunion in 2002. He told me once when we first started chatting that he wanted to send me something. Eventually 6 boxes showed up at my house with his uniforms because he did not want them thrown out if he died. Also included was a hand made TC flag that his wife made for him so he could fly it in RVN on his company flag pole until he got a govt issue one!!!!

The pic is of jack in 2008 and "His" jeep (I own it) as a commander in 1966. TOGETHER AGAIN!!!

N3Njeff · **Posted:** Thu Jan 22, 2009 10:48 pm

Here is ED and I.
I met him at my 1st reunion in 2000. He and I sat at the same table. He was a truck driver in 66 and a history buff. At the time in 2000, he owned a korean war deuce so we had something in common. A short time later, he was collection VN stuff like I was and him and another group of guys own a LARGE collection of truck. 2 of them Replica GUN TRUCKS!! These guys have taken it opon themselves to help preserve the memory of them and their buddys by building rolling tributes. Many of these trucks today have a little part of me involved weather it be parts searches or donated parts and information sharing.

Some of you may know that I am helping THUNDER OVER MICHIGAN arrange their battle. I am hoping that Ed and his crew will be hired to participate, go say hi and welcome them home!!!

Mudge · **Posted:** Thu Jan 22, 2009 11:15 pm

After reading these posts, I'm truly sorry that my father never talked about his experiences in WWII. He did say that he had never been in a battle.
A few years later we found out that his submarine had been used to run coast watchers into the islands in the south Pacific. Sure would have liked to hear some of those stories.

Mudge

Nope....no adjective. Got a "catch" in my fingers. :cry:

N3Njeff · **Posted:** Thu Jan 22, 2009 11:46 pm

Meet Mike!!!!

Mike is a long time aircraft mechanic!!! Mike is currently a civilian contractor in Iraq maintaining a DHC-7. I met mike and his lovely wife for the first time at my club MV rally. Bringing with them their tribute WW2 MB jeep to mikes dad a Batan Death March survivor. On a rainy cold vermont night under the canvas porch of a WW2 wall tent did mike and I discover our love for airplanes!!! We chatted and quickly discovered that we both worked for the same airline ( not at the same time) but knew and worked with the same people!!! The following rainy day and continued conversations, mike discovered and listened to my stories on how I went to Vegas for a Vietnam Veterans reunion the previous year. That night mike spoke to me alone and told me that he rode OH-6's in Vietnam!!! We continued our chatting late in the night. The following year and another rally, mike came up and hugged me and thanked me!!!!!!!! Because of me, he went to his Units reunion. He told me that it was because of me and what I said and it was the best thing he had ever done and that it opened many doors for him. He was like his dad, never saying much to anyone until our paths crossed!!!! A great friendship started then. That following year, mike bought a M151 and painted it up like his units flight line jeep. Every year we meet twice and all are memorable.
One year, mike gave me a special treat. He brought with him his "Stetson" hat!!!!! I got to see it and it brought out more stories, some good and some not so good for him. That morning, mike was walking the rows of vehicles. He was wearing some VN pants and a white shirt. I asked him, "Where is the hat?" He replied.............."Oh no, I dont wear it, I dont want to seem cocky" I got pissed and in a raised voice. "You go get that hat and wear it proud, you earned the right to wear that hat!!!!! You hung your ass out the door of a helicoper at tree top level so people could shoot at you so you could shoot at them!!!, you were bait, you go get that hat!!!!" So he listened and went to get his hat and wore it. I watched him walk the field the way only a "CAV" could pull off with a swagger. That night he thanked me!!!! A vet walked up and thanked him because the CAV saved his ass one day and he was a live because of it!! Mike handed me one of his "Kill" pins off his stetson because I made him wear it that day.

Mike rode OH-6A's from 1971-72, one of his "mounts" is proudly on display at FT.Rucker, she is 17340 "miss Clawd" His pilot for a time was Hugh Mills, author of "Low Level Hell"!!!! I proudly have on my wall a signed pic of 340 in Vietnam!!

We have hero's among us and it can start just as easy as talking about airplanes!!!!!

N3Njeff · **Posted:** Fri Jan 23, 2009 12:03 am

Well I am off to bed. I hope you all get a feeling on where I am comming from. I am sure that some of you have equal stories to tell. I still have more "friends" and would be willing to share if anyone is interested.

It takes time to build this trust. I have never asked for anything!!!! All I am trying to do is give my thanks. I give thanks on a daily basis. Everytime you see a hat, esp those VN vets, shake their hand, give them a pat on the back and welcome them home, thats where it starts!

JDK · **Posted:** Fri Jan 23, 2009 12:46 am

Great, great thread.

262 - that's tough calls. At least today we are more understanding (I hope) of post battle traumas; it doesn't take much investigation to find stories of what vets used to go through, or the hells their families went through because of being unable to deal with it, running back to W.W.I and II, and the American Civil War. Doesn't help the problem, I appreciate, but maybe eases them?

N3Njff - thanks for sharing. Great tales, and great work.

Ryan - terrific pic. You are the guy on the right, right. :lol:

Eric Presten wrote:

I have started some great conversations by asking potential book customers what types of airplanes they are interested in. When I look up the page number and show them the types, they are often the types they flew in combat. They just start talking and......
...
As amazing as it is, many of them think that the new generation has no interest. By seeing one of my books, they see I am interested, and sometimes share great stories. You pictures say the same thing about you. Try it starting with the trainers so you can stop or go on based on his reaction.

Absolutely, Eric! Of course you are usually on the spot, at the show with your aircraft too. That's neat.

I've got into quite a few conversations at the RAAF Museum where I volunteer, with various ex-service men (and women). As I said in the start of the 'tell us a story' thread, some of the toughest stories I've head were from Dutch expatriates who were kids under occupation.

I'm also doing a bit of research for the family of a pilot, long gone now, who want to know what and why about his career. Our specialised knowledge (and as Eric's said, pics) can help a lot with that kind of thing too.

Just some other thoughts, if I may.

It's easy to put your foot in it with a veteran too (as I've done!) as well as not wanting to talk about it, they may not share your (or our) views, and some memories might play well down the bar, but not so well in terms of history. It's too easy to 'tidy up' what we remember, and tell the same 'enhanced' tale.

One of the saddest things is those veterans who did what they should for their God and country, but can't talk about it. For instance many Germans who served in both world wars were just doing their duty. Of course that does not excuse those who committed atrocities, or the perversions of a country's policy to war. However when visting Germany, some of the 'blanks' in their history don't serve them well. I'm not talking about pretending they were 'right' but accepting that a soldier's suffering is often the same on both sides.

We've seen some of those problems caused by the suppression of people's stories and memories in the Vietnam veterans. Thankfully, I think, that's changed for the better.

And there's worse - places where it ended up in semi-civil war, like Yugoslavia, Greece and Italy, families fighting each other in a world war to take control of a country. Really nasty. At least we have been lucky enough to have come from stable democracies.

Hellcat wrote:

What I find tremendously interesting is the fact that there are probably many, many personal albums with thousands of archived photos that none of us have seen. (and sadly probably never will) :cry:

I'm sure there are private collections that would certainly give us many different viewpoints of many things we take for granted as factual history. What a treat when we get to see photos of events from a different angle. I would imagine that there still are many photos of events such as December 7, 1941 that we have not seen, let alone film footage we haven't seen either. I wonder how many buried time capsules are out there with vast amounts of wonderful history.

That's kind of the tragedy of history, isn't it? So much valuable stuff is lost, and what's lost and kept is a lottery. It's great to be able to help by directing a donation of a family collection to a good home - I'm sure something many of us have done here.

Of course there's stuff that's repetitious to us, but for a family is gold. I've seen hundreds of albums of the middle east in W.W.I and training in Canada in W.W.II, essentially the same - but each story is personal and important to that family.

Django wrote:

There is a guy down the street with a WWII veteran decal on his mini van. I have always wanted to stop and just knock on the door and say hi. Never had the balls though. He does have the decal on his car though, so obviously there is some pride there and might be open to some interest?

It's tough, isn't it? If you do decide to talk to him, let us know. I dunno what you 'should' do though.

Hellcat · **Posted:** Fri Jan 23, 2009 12:08 pm

OUTSTANDING POSTS!!!! WOW!!! .... I'm grateful that you all have so much to offer. ... I'm not sure I posted this before, but my father always wore his belt buckle to the side of his pants. One day I asked him to center his buckle because I thought it looked silly. He looked at me and said I wouldn't understand why he did this. I asked him why and he told me it was a memorial to a fellow Hellcat pilot and buddy who took off on a CAP with dad one time. No combat, no action at all. Just over a big, big ocean. His wingman had an engine problem of some sort, ditched in the ocean, dad circled a bit and had to go back to the ship. Last he ever saw of his pal who I guess usually didn't center his belt buckle. They never found him. So goes the story. So explains the belt buckle. I wonder how many stories like that are out there with our veterans?

We so often take so much for granted. My father told me once that his Navy flying days were the best and worst times of his life by far, and that the rest of his life was simply a walk in the park. I always looked up to my dad for how calm and cool he always seemed to be. I somehow now in life seem to get the reason why.

sagebrush · **Posted:** Sat Jan 24, 2009 7:33 pm

I met these 2 gentlemen last week in New Smyrna when I went to see the bombers take off.
The WW2 vet on the left was a gunner on B17's and the man on the right was a B17 pilot.
Both were very friendly and a pleasure to talk to.
I thanked them both for my freedom and that I don't speak German.

Canso42 · **Posted:** Sat Jan 24, 2009 9:33 pm

I am impressed with this thread. Here is some good stuff we all can use. I for one first got interested in WWII aircraft as a child since my dad is a WWII naval airman. He flew SAR stateside and most of his war stories are famous snafu's around the NAS.
One constant thread that we all seem to agree on is the respect.
I met a WWII vet once who told me he didnt want to talk and I just told him, "it's okay, I'll respect that." and thanked him for his time. Not too long after, he began to open up a little.
If vet prefers not to talk or just finds himself unable to do so comfortably, thank him or her and step back. Some may be coaxed into sharing with us, some just want to forget.
My maternal grandfather was an artilleryman under Pershing but never said very much until he began showing the symptoms of Alzheimers and then his stories got mixed up.
We lost a good friend several years ago, Claude Pharris, who at the time he qualified in B-17's was the youngest USAAF pilot to have done so. I heard some of his stories and could have easily gotten more from him but he went west before I became involved in warbirds. My loss, my fault.
War or peace, recent or past, something I've begun doing the last few years is thanking a vet or active serviceman for serving. Just look them in the eye and say thank you.
Good posts from everyone.
Doug

Hellcat · **Posted:** Sun Jan 25, 2009 2:04 am

Ryan what a wonderful photo of you and a veteran. I think we all here need to look closely at your photo. Your respect and admiration for your friend and the appreciation on your friends face basically says it all.

M

Canso42 · **Posted:** Tue Feb 17, 2009 10:13 pm

I was glad to read the posts here when this thread started. I have an uncle whom I've occaisionally referred to as "my uncle the Buff driver' since he retired from the USAF as a major or light colonel flying a Buff.
However, he started in WWII and after several gentle nudges I finally got him to tell me his sqn. and BG. As much as his bunch got beat up in Europe, he may not want to tell men any more but this is progress.
Major or Lt.Col. (not sure) William F. Tuxworth USAF, ret., flew Forts in the 840th sqn. -orginally the 814th of the 483rd BG, 5 Bomb Wing, 15 AF Italy.

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