Some aviation humor
Sat Oct 18, 2008 7:25 am
I'm sure that people have seen the Chuck Norris jokes, but thought that you guys might like to see this. Found this at work, and we are still laughing.
Chuck Norris doesn't request clearances, he states intentions.
Chuck Norris never gets vectors to final . . . final gets vectored to Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris is the only person ever to land on runway 37.
Hijackers squawk 7400 when Chuck Norris is on board
If you ever lose sight of Chuck Norris, check your six o'clock.
When Chuck Norris taxies onto the runway, incoming traffic is told to hold short
Chuck Norris never "loses" altitude, he simply gets rid of it when he no longer has any use for it.
Chuck Norris has never landed with a crosswind. The wind would never dare get cross with Chuck Norris.
When Chuck Norris flies, the altimeter setting is 00.00. Chuck Norris is never under pressure.
When the BASH condition is Red, planes don't fly. When the BASH condition is Norris, birds don't fly.
Chuck Norris has never had a midair collision, He has shot down anyplane that has gotten within 10 miles
When told to break at the numbers, Chuck Norris politely reminded the controller that Chuck Norris cannot be broken and proceeded with the straight in.
Right of Way rules do not apply when Chuck Norris is flying. If you are flying toward Chuck Norris, you are wrong.
Chuck Norris doesn't shoot approaches...he kills them.
Chuck Norris is never off of glideslope, the glideslope is off of Chuck Norris
Chuck Yeager broke the sound barrier with his Bell X-1. Chuck Norris broke the sound barrier with his fist.
Chuck Norris doesn't manage operational risk...he seeks it.
An ejection seat is not safe until Chuck Norris gets out of it.
Chuck Norris doesn't need crew rest...he never sleeps.
Chuck Norris was once denied a clearance...once
Minimum Safe Altitudes do not apply when Chuck Norris is airborne,if you are in the air when Chuck Norris is flying you are never safe.
Chuck Norris is never given the instructions "when able" . Chuck Norris is never unable to do anything.
Favorable winds are always in the same direction as Chuck Norris' flightpath
Chuck Norris has never had to adapt his eyes to the dark. His infrared vision is working perfectly fine.
T-45 Anti Icing Capabilities: Pitot Heat, 5th Stage Bleed Air, Chuck Norris
A permanent TFR surrounds Chuck Norris...no one is safe.
Chuck Norris cannot be tracked on radar, if he appears, it is too late; you are already dead.
A good flight for Chuck Norris is a bad flight for you.
Leading cause of disorientation for pilots: Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris once moved a stationary front.
Chuck Norris is the only person to graduate SERE School via correspondence.
Chuck Norris isn't holding, he is circling above his victims.
The weather outlook for the area around Chuck Norris : 100% Chance of Pain
Chuck Norris doesn't request clearances, he states intentions.
Chuck Norris never gets vectors to final . . . final gets vectored to Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris is the only person ever to land on runway 37.
Hijackers squawk 7400 when Chuck Norris is on board
If you ever lose sight of Chuck Norris, check your six o'clock.
When Chuck Norris taxies onto the runway, incoming traffic is told to hold short
Chuck Norris never "loses" altitude, he simply gets rid of it when he no longer has any use for it.
Chuck Norris has never landed with a crosswind. The wind would never dare get cross with Chuck Norris.
When Chuck Norris flies, the altimeter setting is 00.00. Chuck Norris is never under pressure.
When the BASH condition is Red, planes don't fly. When the BASH condition is Norris, birds don't fly.
Chuck Norris has never had a midair collision, He has shot down anyplane that has gotten within 10 miles
When told to break at the numbers, Chuck Norris politely reminded the controller that Chuck Norris cannot be broken and proceeded with the straight in.
Right of Way rules do not apply when Chuck Norris is flying. If you are flying toward Chuck Norris, you are wrong.
Chuck Norris doesn't shoot approaches...he kills them.
Chuck Norris is never off of glideslope, the glideslope is off of Chuck Norris
Chuck Yeager broke the sound barrier with his Bell X-1. Chuck Norris broke the sound barrier with his fist.
Chuck Norris doesn't manage operational risk...he seeks it.
An ejection seat is not safe until Chuck Norris gets out of it.
Chuck Norris doesn't need crew rest...he never sleeps.
Chuck Norris was once denied a clearance...once
Minimum Safe Altitudes do not apply when Chuck Norris is airborne,if you are in the air when Chuck Norris is flying you are never safe.
Chuck Norris is never given the instructions "when able" . Chuck Norris is never unable to do anything.
Favorable winds are always in the same direction as Chuck Norris' flightpath
Chuck Norris has never had to adapt his eyes to the dark. His infrared vision is working perfectly fine.
T-45 Anti Icing Capabilities: Pitot Heat, 5th Stage Bleed Air, Chuck Norris
A permanent TFR surrounds Chuck Norris...no one is safe.
Chuck Norris cannot be tracked on radar, if he appears, it is too late; you are already dead.
A good flight for Chuck Norris is a bad flight for you.
Leading cause of disorientation for pilots: Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris once moved a stationary front.
Chuck Norris is the only person to graduate SERE School via correspondence.
Chuck Norris isn't holding, he is circling above his victims.
The weather outlook for the area around Chuck Norris : 100% Chance of Pain
Sat Oct 18, 2008 11:39 am
Saw a movie once that they took an AN-2 off on runway three-niner. 20 degrees north of Chuck Norris. Don't tell him I already had my ass whipped this week.
Sun Oct 19, 2008 3:50 pm
Some real good ones in there!
Sun Oct 19, 2008 4:15 pm
Once while Chuck Norris was preparing for takeoff, he noticed the windsock was pointing in his direction. He got out of his aircraft, walked up to the windsock, round house kicked it, destroying the windsock. No one points at Chuck Norris.
Sun Oct 19, 2008 7:57 pm
Not my story, but I thought it was kind of funny:
Jet fired on UFO
Funnier than the story that a Lancaster dropped one of the atomic bombs on Japan anyway.
Jet fired on UFO
Funnier than the story that a Lancaster dropped one of the atomic bombs on Japan anyway.
Sun Oct 19, 2008 11:02 pm
Chuck Norris was on one of Howard Stern's TV shows years ago when they had a game show with some dumb blond models. Howard asked some pretty basic questions like, "What are the two major political parties in the US?" Darned if Chuck wasn't even stupider than the models were!
Mon Oct 20, 2008 6:42 am
bdk wrote:Chuck Norris was on one of Howard Stern's TV shows years ago when they had a game show with some dumb blond models. Howard asked some pretty basic questions like, "What are the two major political parties in the US?" Darned if Chuck wasn't even stupider than the models were!
Chuck Norris just called me, and asked me for your full name and address...... : )
Saludos,
Tulio
Mon Oct 20, 2008 7:46 am
I heard Chuck Norris met Col. Joe Kittinger (for those who don't know; parachuted from a balloon on 8/16/60 from 102,800'; during the freefall, Joe went SUPERSONIC without an airplane).
Chuck knealt down and kissed Joe's ring. I guess Chuck even knows who's braver and tougher than he is.
Mark H
Chuck knealt down and kissed Joe's ring. I guess Chuck even knows who's braver and tougher than he is.
Mark H
Mon Oct 20, 2008 8:24 am
P51Mstg wrote:
Chuck knealt down and kissed Joe's ring. I guess Chuck even knows who's braver and tougher than he is.
Impossible.
Mon Oct 20, 2008 10:47 am
No he did not... He went 714 MPH, but did not break the speed of sound.P51Mstg wrote:during the freefall, Joe went SUPERSONIC without an airplane).
If Chuck is such a major life force in the universe, he should already have it. Bring him on! Heeeeeeya!!!!Tulio wrote:Chuck Norris just called me, and asked me for your full name and address...... : )
Mon Oct 20, 2008 1:04 pm
cozmo wrote:Not my story, but I thought it was kind of funny:
Jet fired on UFO
Funnier than the story that a Lancaster dropped one of the atomic bombs on Japan anyway.
If you liked that one try this: http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldne ... nking.html
Lets see the bs "Global Climate Change"/Gore Mafia try to blame mankind for THIS one!
Robbie
Tue Oct 21, 2008 9:54 am
I don't get it.