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Military Funnies
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Author:  Ernie_D [ Sat Mar 25, 2017 9:03 pm ]
Post subject:  Military Funnies

In the Marines, because of the stress of training, Marines are not responsible for what they say/do the first 30 seconds they're awake, at least that's how it was in the 80's. Anyway, one morning, when we were off duty, this little brown noser come through telling us to get up. I told him "F@#% you". He then said that the platoon sergeant wanted us up. I extended the same greetings to the platoon sergeant, at which point the gunny stuck his head in my cubicle. The gunny asked:"What?" I replied: "I just woke up gunny". Not another word was said about the incident.

Author:  Ernie_D [ Sat Mar 25, 2017 9:14 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Military Funnies

In boot camp, my nightmare was Sergeant Huisenita. He was 6'2", spoke with a deep gravely voice and looked like the original frankenstein monster-flat top head, scar running down the forehead, and the monster like amble. He took pleasure in terifying me. In those days, we still had the Gomer Pyle hats, which we had to starch on cover blocks to get that round "kepi" look. As soon as mine was starched, he'd calll me to the front of the squad bay. He'd say: "I'm goingbto crush your brains", at which point he'd lift the hat offf my head and crush it, while laghing maniacally. He'd then take my ruined hat and squeeze it on top of my head.

Author:  Ernie_D [ Sat Mar 25, 2017 9:31 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Military Funnies

So, one day, we were on the obstacle course. The obstacle was the "stairway to heaven". It's basically an 80 foot ladder-straight up. I had just finished and was at the base with Huisenita. This kid climbed to thebtop, and froze. Huisenita said:Go up there and get him". I don't like high places, so I said:"Me sir?" Hisbreply was: You wanna stay here with me?". So I went up there and got him down. The nextbplatform was the "slide for life". It's an 80 foot platform with cables that descend over a pool of water-to cushion your fall-if you fall. So the kid went up to the platform and froze. He wouldn't go back down the cargo net and he wouldn't go down the cables. So, Sergeant Jones threw him off the platform into the water. Huiseita chuckled, saying:"Four point oh, perfect dive".

Author:  Ernie_D [ Sat Mar 25, 2017 9:48 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Military Funnies

My first platoon Sergeant was Gunny Wyles (not the afore mentioned gunny). Wyles was freakishly strong, but so wasPosey, a corporal in my platoon. One day, when we were on KP duty,I heard Posey yell "GANGWAY!". Posey then ran towards the grill I was cooking on. He stepped on the grill and the overhead hood. Wyles was one step behind him. They ran across the deck. Posey ran out the exit doors. Wyles picked up a table, which weighed about two hundred pounds, abnd threw it at the door. The table clanged off the doorframe, then settled on the floor. Wyles looked at me and said:"He'll be back". I found out later that they had been sneaking up on each other and hittting the other. YIKES!

Author:  Ernie_D [ Sun Mar 26, 2017 2:56 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Military Funnies

Coming back from town, the first gate was Gate One (natch!). However, gate one closed at 10 pm. That meant a one milevwalk to gate four ifbyou came back late. However, there was a six foot cinder block fence next to gate one. For a Marine, a six foot fence is child's play. Anyway, there was this new hardcore MP who wanted to bust those coming over the fence. My buddyband I laid a plan, he'd distract the MP and I'd sneak up on the MP and whack him over the head. However, the MP was smarter than I gave him credit for and Imwas nearly shot. So, time for revenge. I scoped out the MP and found that precisely at 2150 (for Army types the big hand is on the....you get it), the MP would take a quick ride through of the run track on a 3 wheel scooter. So, we hid in a big bush. When the MP came by we ran out of the bushes and hit the scooter like a linebacker would. The scooter capsized and slid to a stop as we ran offf. A friend was at the MP station when the MP tried tomexplain what happened:"Reallly Sarge, two guys came out of the bushes and hit the scooter". The sergeant didn't buy his story and transferred him to another base.

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